Hello, I am Grandfather Bat.

(Raises a wine glass of blood, stirs it with his finger then takes a sip)

I have asked Laura if I might reside in Her dungeon because I have all my life felt more comfortable in the shadows. I am old now and my life story is a strange one. This sanctuary seems to be a safe place for me to be. A place for people to know me without knowing who I am. I don't talk about these things to anyone else, so I am comfortable here.

I am alone now. My wife who was the love of my life is gone. Her name was Elaine. I called her Elaina. She was quite the woman. After all, she put up with me for over forty years. The day she died, it happened so fast. She was cooking us breakfast when all of a sudden she grabbed at her chest like this.

(Makes a quick motion with his hand against his own chest)

I heard the bowl of pancake mix hit the floor and I knew it was bad when she didn’t complain about the mess on the floor. She couldn’t seem to catch her breath. She had always been in good health, no problems that we were aware of. She sank to the floor before I could reach her. I said “Elaina! What’s going on?” When she couldn’t answer me I called 911 but when I got back down to the floor next to her she had this stare in her eyes. I held her, you know, and she grabbed ahold of me so hard, her nails dug into my arms here and that is when I heard her take her last breath. At first I thought THERE! Finally a good breath! The breath was long and deep so I thought that was good. But it was odd that it was her last one. She died in my arms right there on our kitchen floor. I cannot tell my story without first introducing my Elaina to you. If you stay with me for awhile, you will learn how important she was in my life and how much I loved her. Not every vampire can find such a woman.

(Stretches his legs out in front of him and sets his wine glass gently on the little table next to his chair.)

I miss her but I know she is still with me here. Sometimes I can smell her. Sometimes I hear her. Yeap, I know she is here.

When the ambulance got here that day, well like I said, it was too late, she died in my arms. They pronounced her dead and shut down the lights on the ambulance. They had a few questions for me. Elaina and I used to tease each other about this, that this might happen some day. They asked me what happened to her neck. I told them the truth. They think I am a crazy old man. I told them I am a vampire and have been since I was a young lad. I assured them she was a willing partner and that, thankfully, we had had another wonderful night. I am a very passionate lover. I might be old but I can still please a woman. (Mischievous chuckle) and our love making always included her offer of blood. My thirst for blood, especially HER blood, always gives salute to the occasion if you know what I mean.

(Again reaches for his glass)

I will give you my life stories in small tastes here and there. I hope you come back to my chamber from time to time to be with me and I will have another story to tell.

There are some real beautiful dames in this sanctuary. Oh, I only wish I were a young man again, they would have to run from me ….but I would not let them get away!

(loud jolly laughter)

I do miss the neck of a lovely woman. The neck, the arms, the breasts, the waist, and the in-between that is unseen (more mischievous laughter), I have been called a dirty old man but I say this in reply, “NO, I am simply a MAN” … a blood drinking one. Just because I am old, the young vampires who come to read this might think I don't know what the expression "redwings" means. But, it is I who was enjoying such things long before they were born. This is nothing new ... for someone like me. The scent of it when a woman in her time is near, oh, there is nothing like it. Yes, I can smell it. It is stimulating, in more ways than one. It is a powerful thing. It is something which is beyond desire. It is necessary to indulge in that most sacred substance. Like Sol says, "The blood is the life."

I have been told many times I resemble that old vampire on the Munsters show. The Grandpa. But I don’t think my chin sticks out that far. He was an ugly old cuss, wasn’t he? A picture of me you ask? No, I don’t think so. Nobody wants to look at that. Stick Mister Potato Head eyes and ears on an old shriveled up prune and there ya go. Here’s an idea, in place of my photograph, put up a mirror. A vampire's reflection cannot be seen in the mirror you know. At least, that is what they say in Hollywood.

I have always dressed in black, all my life. And I have a problem with bright lights and I don’t go outside in the daytime if I don’t have to. Lights give me migraines and the sun makes me burn and break out with rashes and my skin swells up. It is not safe to be under the sun anyway.

I am sorry, my mind, it skips around. What story shall I tell you next? Maybe the place to begin is my childhood. A time when I first discovered my thirst for blood. I feel like I should be stretched out on a couch in front of Dr. Phil. I wonder what his words to me would be.
(Burst of hardy laughter) Now there is a new show idea for you. Round up some of those head shrinks and have me on the show, though I would never go, but they should do a show on old vampire farts like me and see if they can explain me away.

It started, really, when I was a boy. My thirst. My mother thought Lucifer had me by the balls. She was afraid of me. My Pa on the other hand, he was a butcher and had a few secrets from mother. Before I go any further, I should remind you that many of my stories might be a bit tough for some to read. I suppose I should also not refer to them as stories, they are actual facts, my true life experiences and accounts.